I promise not to forget what it’s like

I haven’t blogged in quite sometime. I wrote a few little things here and there, but nothing really from the heart. To be honest, I was happy to walk away from it. To pretend this blog didn’t exist, pretend I didn’t write a bunch of stuff that (sometimes) I regret posting.

And you know what? I didn’t miss it.

Life got quiet (well, besides the 4 screaming children…help!).

But there is one thing that has been on my mind for the last few months. And it’s that one thing that has tempted me to sit and write and post and comment. But I chose to stay away.

But tonight I just couldn’t. I wanted to write. I needed to write.

Because I know you are out there. I know you are lonely. I know you are sitting in front of your computer googling “doctor’s wife blog” or “lonely resident spouse” or “I don’t want to move” searching for anyone who can tell you “I know, “I’ve been there too,” and “it’s going to be alright”.

I’m writing this to you…wife of a med student, resident, or fellow. Wife who is embarking on a new year of training. Wife who has moved across the country to support her husband. Wife who gave up her career or put her dreams on hold…

I see you. And I know.

For so many years I hated the months of June and July. Like, a lot. When everyone else was celebrating summer, I was preparing for yet another year of residency or fellowship. I avoided Facebook because it stirred up so many ugly emotions (and apparently I can’t control those too well).

I couldn’t handle seeing another friend post about how excited she was to be finished with residency and moving on to a real job. It made me want to vomit when friends who started med school after us were finishing before us. What the??! I couldn’t be happy for them. I just couldn’t. I tried but the bitterness had taken root.

And now, this year, that person was me. But even though we were finished and a huge weight was lifted (I’m totally serious…I felt lighter…I thought that maybe I lost 20lbs over night, but sadly I didn’t), I still was well aware of what July 1st meant.

I thought of the new intern spouses heading blindly into this thing called residency. I thought of the resident spouses, who even though they knew the routine of this medical madness, it doesn’t make it any less easier. And I thought of the fellow’s wives who have to endure a few more years and some who had to pack up and move (some of you for just one year!).

Sometimes I would rather turn away and leave those years behind me. Move on with the busyness of raising a family and focus on the many aspects of life we couldn’t during those years of training. But I promised myself I wouldn’t do that.

I vowed to never forget how it feels to be treading water for so long, barely surviving. Trying so hard to be supportive of your husband but battling the frustration and resentment that sometimes surface. And, oh, the loneliness…not just the loneliness that comes from moving, the loneliness where you feel like no one else quite understands.

I won’t forget because if I do, then what in the world did I go through all those crappy years for? Well, yes, my husband became a real doctor and blah blah blah, but really there has to more than that. There has to be a reason. And if nothing else, that reason is so I can tell you…

You are not alone, I know what you’re going through, and though it seems impossible at times, you will make it through… and be better for it.

Hang in there sweet girl. You are so much stronger than you think.

ox,

Amber

Get plugged in to a medical blogging community by joining in with Medical Mondays… or at least find some new stuff to waste your time read.


P.S. I’m not sure if I’ll post again soon after this. I kinda liked not living online. And I don’t want to feel like I have to follow any blogging “shoulds” or “supposed-to’s” by posting regularly. I want to post when I have something to say. Something that’s on my heart and needs to come out. Or unless there is something totally hilarious or useless that I feel must be shared. Until then my friends….

peace out.

 

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13 Responses to I promise not to forget what it’s like

  1. Shelly says:

    Wow this was such a moving post. I wonder whether nothing “hilarious or useless” has come up over these recent years. As a female doctor married to a doctor, I can totally relate to your experience. Thank God life is not stationary and things have changed for the better over the years. I actually love my profession and love being married to a medic. I feel like we are the wonder family…the family sent on earth with a purpose to save humanity.
    Shelly recently posted..Stethoscope Review: The Littmann Cardiology IVMy Profile

  2. Ty Wong says:

    Thanks for the post. I’m a pharmacist and I thought that my years in school would help me be prepared for what life would be like for my gf who just finished her first semester of med school. I knew there would be sacrifice and i’m completely committed to our relationship, but it really is so hard sometimes. We actually live 20 houses down from each other in the same subdivision. I thought before school started we would be able to see each other a couple of times a week at least just even for 10-20 minute walks to just catch up. After the first semester I’ve come to expect seeing her once or twice a week and most times without even having any interactions with each other in between. I didn’t think that it would be like this, but learning to sacrifice and be supportive. Your blog helps and it is nice to know I’m not alone.

  3. What an encouraging post for all doc wives! My hubby has been working for eight years, and I’ve got two babies and a business but the loneliness still exists. The doctorswivesliving.com site caters to women who want to connect so please join in!

  4. Allison says:

    Just stopping in to say I hope you are doing well!

  5. J.R. Baldwin says:

    Even though you’re peacing out… thanks. I needed this today!

  6. Bethany says:

    I DID find you (months ago) by searching for “resident’s wife blog” and reading your story HAS helped me feel less lonely. Because this does feel like a lonely, no one understands kind of road to travel (especially with staying at home with kids). And yep, I did “give up” my career to support my husband pursue his dream. And while I love my kids and they keep me busy, I would be lieing if I said I don’t sometimes dream about being back at work:) Anyways all of this to say THANK YOU for sharing your journey and your heart. And selfishly I wish you would keep blogging regularly…

  7. Janice says:

    I too took several months off the online world of blogging and Facebook and it was wonderful. I struggled so much during residency and then fellowship and felt alone a lot and it’s so great to know there are others! We are out one year now and sometimes it still feels alone, but not when I’m online- why I came back from my break. Thanks for your post!
    Janice recently posted..Don’t Delete The Fuzzy Ones!My Profile

  8. Kelly V. says:

    It is so true! Well, we’re still in it (residency), but halfway through I’m starting to see light at the end of the tunnel … until he decides he wants to do a fellowship :)

  9. Sarah says:

    Thanks for encouragement and honesty! (Here from MM)

  10. Awesome post, Amber!!! I am certain someone will find it and it will speak to them, pulling her (or him!) out of a fog.
    As far as I’m concerned, there are no rules to blogging (except to be kind). So have fun, and we’ll be here waiting to read whenever and whatever you’re ready to share!!
    Thanks for being so supportive of MM! Take good care!!!! :)
    Emma @ Your Doctor’s Wife recently posted..Medical Monday {Vol. 2, Aug Edition} Anniversary GIVEAWAYMy Profile

  11. I love you Amber! I basically took July off from blogging before and was very tempted to leave it behind as well. But for the very reasons you stated I can’t do it. Congratulations on the weight loss (or what feels like weight loss) I might be able to relate to that in a few weeks:-) Thanks for linking up with us today, and sharing your post, and for linking up and co-hosting in the past with Medical Mondays. Love you.
    From A Doctor’s Wife recently posted..Medical Mondays Celebrates One Year Anniversary!My Profile

  12. Angela Moore says:

    What a great post! Thank you for sharing your personal journey.

  13. Elaine Williams says:

    Great from-the-heart encouragement from one who has been there and persevered through the hard times. A great post.

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