Medical Students & Dating: 4 things you need to know

This is a re-post that was originally published over at The Hero Complex.

Any relationship takes work. We all know that. But when you add the demands and stress of medical school it makes things a little more tricky. If you insist on dragging someone into this mess, there are four things you need to know…and when I say you, I mean the both of you, the medical student and the dating partner.

If you can understand and apply these four tips, you will eliminate a lot of unnecessary headaches and drama heartache.

But first…please enjoy a picture of my Dr. Hubs and me on our first date….

{Ventura, CA 1999}

 

Ok, now onto the 4 helpful tips to a successful medical school dating relationship…

1. This is not normal

Medical Student: Just to be clear and make sure you understand… this journey you are on, is so far from normal, it’s not even funny. For the next seven to eleven years, your life will look nothing like normal. You will miss out on spontaneous weekends with friends, family events, reunions, vacations and more. I’m assuming you were already aware of the fact you did not sign up for a 9-5 job, at least not yet…if ever. So adding another person to the mix? It’s anything but a normal relationship.

Dating Partner:  It is critical you understand that this relationship is not like any other. So stop comparing yours with your friends’ or anyone else for that matter. There will be much sacrificing on your end. You need to understand that med students will never feel like they have studied enough. Never. Ever.  It’s ridiculous. The 3rd year is  a preview of residency. The rotation schedules are not flexible.  Be prepared to be the one that bends, and then bends again and again and again throughout this entire journey. And then again.

The sooner you both understand this unfortunate unique life, the less bumpy it will be. Well, honestly, there will always be bumps… but now, at least you know what you signed up for.

 

2. Expectations will always disappoint

Dating Partner:  This may be the most important advice you ever receive:

Drop any and all expectations now.

“What? That’s not fair!” you say?  You’re so right. It’s not fair. And it won’t be for a long time.  That just comes with the territory of dating someone during their medical training years. They have worked incredibly hard to get where they are (and I’m sure you have too), but unfortunately, their schedules (especially 3rd year and residency) do not flex for anyone else in their life. I’m not kidding. That’s not their choice…it’s just the way it is. And yeah, it stinks. So if they tell you they will meet you for dinner at 6:30pm, do not expect that to really happen… or at least bring a friend, just in case, so you don’t end up dining alone.

Medical Student:  This may come as a shock, but do not forget what I’m about to tell you:

The world does not revolve around you.

You may have been told or feel otherwise, but that is a lie. If you have decided to involve someone on your crazy doctor journey, then you need to sacrifice a little too. That person has a life, a job, friends, family, and feelings too. Do not expect them to drop everything when you unexpectedly have a moment or day off. Yeah, it would be great to spend time with them, but respect their commitments and time away from you.

Expectations will be the root of many arguments in your relationship. Do yourself a favor, and kick them out the door now.

 

3. Communicate!

Medical Student: You’re in school. I’m assuming you have a calendar with your schedule on it. Use it. Tell your partner. Write it down, sync your calendars. This should include all exams, study groups, study time, rotations, interviews, study time, study time, study time.  If something should change, let your partner know ASAP.

Dating Partner: If you have any important dates (work, events, family) where you would like your loving med student to join you, then please, please, please, let them know as soon as you know. Hopefully, they can plan their study schedule around it.  But if it’s during their 3rd year, understand that they might not be able to make those important dates. And as much as they would like to be there with you, it is out of their hands.

Communicating is so simple, yet it never is that easy. Work on being open and honest with each other. Be clear. Don’t bottle up emotions. But also, dating partners, don’t drop a bomb on your med student the night before their exams. It’s not good for anyone. (I may or may not have done that multiple times.)

 

4. Don’t forget about your patience {not patients}

You both are human (I hope), and humans mess up…a lot. Have patience with one another. Give each other grace. Forgive and let go of grudges. Learn from mistakes and try again. Tomorrow is a new day.

In Conclusion…

It’s probably is easier to go through these medical school years single, but knowing someone is in your corner, cheering you on, and sharing this journey with you, can be worth all the blood, sweat, and tears.

Just remember to not compare yourself to other couples, understanding your relationship is unique. Respect one another’s time and keep expectations low by communicating honestly and openly. Remember, you’re on this journey together, and are both figuring it out as you go.

Dating in medical school is a preview for what’s to come (if you decide to get married and venture into residency and fellowship).  So…if you cannot handle it now, then get the heck out while you still can. Otherwise, proceed and enjoy the ride. Good luck!

 

*** Bonus tip for the medical student: It will not kill you to take a 10 minute break from studying. Not. Ever. Sometimes that’s all someone needs to know you are thinking of them.  A text, a call, a cup of coffee together. Anything. 10 minutes. It’s doable.

***Bonus tip for the dating partner: If this all sounds like way too much work and sacrifice, then go with Plan B: Go have a life for 7-10 years, and hook back up when they are a real, practicing doctor. You’re welcome.

 

{Full disclosure: As many of you know, my husband and I were already married when he started medical school. But we tried to make it extra challenging for him (because med school isn’t tough enough by itself), by having our first baby during the first week of medical school.  Yeah, not a smart move, but’s that’s for a whole other post. So anyway, I checked with my friends who dated in med school and they gave me the OK on this.}

Linking up with Your Doctor’s Wife & From a Doctor’s Wife for Medical Mondays


Here are my past Medical Monday Bloghop posts:

You Matter Too {When you feel like what your husband does is more important than you}

The most important thing to do as a resident’s wife

First Medical Monday blog hop

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47 Responses to Medical Students & Dating: 4 things you need to know

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  2. 7-Keto says:

    I recently just started dating a girl from med school and was wondering what I could do on my side to make it work. She has a year and some change left and was wondering if there was anything we could do to make it work.

    I am not one to give up no matter how hard things get and I want to root and cheer for her to make it. I too have my own career that may relocate me when she finishes but I will be relocated to a specific city and I don’t know how it will work with her residency. I really need some advice!

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  4. Glutton for Punsihment says:

    I love this article. This is so on point! I needed this because everyone I talk to says “but if he really wanted to be with you he would do more”.

    I am truly a glutton for punishment. This is my 2nd go round with a med student. The first one didn’t work out, he wanted to experience his residency with those famous “hook ups” you hear so much about. We broke up and then ended up reuniting after he was done and I liked him better before he finished med school. He specialized in a certain area of medicine and then started teaching, he felt I should do everything he says. It was hard to be with him while he was in med school, not hearing from him for weeks at a time. We didn’t live together so we would see each other maybe ever couple months, we lived 4 hours apart.

    I decided after him I wouldn’t EVER date a med student again. Here I am, dating another one. He is a completely different person than the 1st one. I really have to tell you, it also depends on the man/woman your with. If they want you they will make sure you know. You are so right about not comparing your relationship to “normal” relationships because it’s anything but. If you are the type of person who needs constant attention from your SO then a med student is not for you. Your also right about expectations…seriously that had come into my first go round with a med student.

    I truly did everything in my power to not end up with him in this place. He wouldn’t let me…I know he worries about not being able to give me what I need, he’s said it enough, I just reassure him that I understand and he is. I try hard to not cause him any stress and to be his cheerleader, but I do have feelings too!

    I’m so glad to have stumbled across this and know that I’m not alone. It’s so hard and you really can’t ask people advice, because most people have no idea.

    Thank you so much!

    • Synth says:

      I totally get you on the whole not hearing from the guy for weeks.

      I don’t know if my guy is just busy, uninterested, shy or oblivious. Even before our first date he’d only talk to me to set up the date. He did the same for the 2nd date. I was annoyed then but not like I am now. At least then there were only a few days between the dates, now it’s been 2 months since hes gone back to school. Though we were initially excited to see each other when he comes back next month, he hasn’t shown any other interest. I’m the one who does all the reaching out. He’s only contacted me on his own once since hes been gone. The next time I reach out to him I’m gonna see if hes still interested. It’s too much of a mystery and I dont want excuse his awkward behavior all the time because of “stress” in med school.

      I’m a patient person, but my patience does run thin. I feel like the only one who cares, and that isnt fair. I’d love to give him the benefit of the doubt, but… If this doesn’t work out then I’m certainly NEVER dating a doctor again. They’re shady people that hide behind the false, widely accepted, pretenses of being “busy”.

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  8. CC says:

    My boyfriend of almost 3 years is on his last year of med school, and he broke up with me recently, not because we fell out of love. But he felt that he was becoming a burden to me, and that he couldn’t come close to the amount of effort that I give him in our relationship. I think he has high standards for himself when being in a relationship.

    A lot of our little arguments prior to this actually came from him getting sucked into stress and being tired, like I felt like I was becoming more like an obligation more than the light at the end of the tunnel of a haggard week. I tried to sound constructive about it though, like I try to gently remind him to not let himself go while med school was happening.

    He broke off because he wanted to fix himself and not lose that part of him that I fell in love with. But he also said not to wait for him, and that I should find my happiness elsewhere — which really frustrated me, because I was really rooting for us and then suddenly it’s like he’s completely given up on us.

    • Synth says:

      Hi CC,

      I started dating a guy in med school (he’s in his last year) last month. We met when he was on vacation and went out a couple of times. We really enjoyed ourselves and he even expressed that he had a fun time with me and would like to meet up again when he gets back from school in a few months. I thought we hit it off but in the time since we’ve rarely been speaking. I’ve been doing most of the texting and I feel horrible because I don’t want to come off as “clingy” and “needy”.

      I want to be respectful of his time and energy, but I also don’t want to feel like I don’t matter. It could be that he just lost interest in me and rather it die out quietly without saying anything at all. It’s been a week since I’ve texted him because I wanted to give him space and also see if he would text me at all. It’s early right now, but I don’t think he will text me today. Is a week too long to go without talking to one another?

      Is there something about being a med student I should know?? Should I expect to never hear from him and be the only one who does the reaching out? Does he get a “get out of jail free” card because he’s a busy med student?? I’m legitimately curious. I would LOVE to see him again when he comes back but I feel like I should forget about it altogether. I didn’t get jerk like vibes from him but then again, you never know.

      What to do??

    • Jo says:

      This just happened to me, exactly. My bc broke up with before even starting the residency though, just a few weeks into preparing for orientation, because he said he didn’t think it was fair for me to not have my needs met and do all the work in the relationship once he got started. I don’t think it’s an excuse at all, I believe him 1000% that it isn’t that he doesn’t want to commit or anything like that. He said that even if I say I am ok and understand that he will be busy and our relationship will be me doing most of the work, he said he cannot live with that, it is against who he is. He is a wonderful and giving person, so that is exactly like him to think that way. He also said he doesn’t want to put me through the pain of seeing him become a different person as residency sucks the life and joy out of him, because that has happened before and he hated that person he became and didn’t want me to see him become that.
      Still, I’m heartbroken to lose someone who fit me so well and cared for me so much. How did you manage? Are things better now, one year later?

    • Jo says:

      This just happened to me, exactly. My bf broke up with before even starting the residency though, just a few weeks into preparing for orientation, because he said he didn’t think it was fair for me to not have my needs met and do all the work in the relationship once he got started. I don’t think it’s an excuse at all, I believe him 1000% that it isn’t that he doesn’t want to commit or anything like that. He said that even if I say I am ok and understand that he will be busy and our relationship will be me doing most of the work, he said he cannot live with that, it is against who he is. He is a wonderful and giving person, so that is exactly like him to think that way. He also said he doesn’t want to put me through the pain of seeing him become a different person as residency sucks the life and joy out of him, because that has happened before and he hated that person he became and didn’t want me to see him become that.
      Still, I’m heartbroken to lose someone who fit me so well and cared for me so much. How did you manage? Are things better now, one year later?

  9. Angela says:

    Just what I needed! My boyfriend and I have been together almost 3 years now; we started dating on his third year.

    My. God. The patience and understanding that I am expending for him! If I were selfish and didn’t love him so much, I would’ve given up on this relationship.

    I think it’s natural to feel lonely sometimes, but I guess that’s why I buried myself in work and other hobbies so I don’t have to remember that he’s (at the moment) non-existent in my life.

    I think it’s sad how some couples break up over time. Honestly I’d like to spend the rest of my life with him, but who really knows? I’ll find out over time. In the meantime, I’ve established that my role as his girlfriend is to be supportive of him, and to keep the mood of our relationship optimistic. I hope everything will work out for both of us in the end. :)

    • jules ostro says:

      Reading this meant so much to me. Your story strikes a lot of parallels to my own. My guy just started med school and… it’s… tough. Thanks for this post – makes me feel hopeful and not alone. :)

  10. Alison says:

    I’m glad to have found this site. I met a guy a few weeks ago who will be starting med school in a few months. I’ve been single for a few years and have yet to find anyone decent. I feel so strongly about this guy and dont want to give him up. I’m willing to compromise amd support him. Why give up a good thing? Seems to me If you can make it through tougher times, you can make it through anything.

    He tells me I deserve to have what I want . However he’s what I want and I’m willing to go through the tougher times for him so we can also experience the good times

    • Raymond says:

      “He tells me I deserve to have what I want” – What do you think of this one? How did he say it? … I also dated someone who was about to start his medical studies. We were so cool at first and positive. But when the class started, things changed and that same line was thrown at me. Don’t mean to scare you, it’s just how it went. So how did he tell you this?

      • demi says:

        I also met my now boyfriend a month ago we have so many fun plans for this summer but he is starting med school this august, we hit if off pretty well and he told me he wants someone to be with him when times are tough because that means together they can go through anything. He says he would be the first med student to have a relationship or even a family while in school, so overall very positive but i cant help but feel concerned about things changing between us once he starts school. Another issue i will be living 4 hours away from august through december. He is an amazing guy, but since it is the beginning of the relationship im still a bit insecure
        Any thoughts?

        • Raymond says:

          Hi Demi,
          So basically you still have 3 months to go to grasp everything between the two of you. Is this his first year in med school? If it is, from my experience, it won’t be nice (I say this is a positive way ok? I don’t want to sugarcoat things because it will not set you on the right expectation). Think of the worst thing that may happen, which is the two of you won’t really make it. You’re just basically preparing yourself for that event. Now let’s say he’s classes have started and he still can manage to contact or see you every now and then or when possible. you guys need to be clear with your schedules and your “communication-needs”. I don’t know how much you two need to keep in touch with each other but I strongly think that communication is always the core of a good relationship. So talk to him about what may happen in terms with how often the two of you will talk. Medicine is a big deal. He will need to focus on his studies and there will be times when he may ask you to not come over because he needs to review or something. You need to be ready with this one. Are you the type of person who needs constant physical presence of your significant other? if you are that doesn’t mean it’s wrong, it’s just not ideal esp if your partner is about to go to med school. When I was going through this one, I never felt so needy before until I met this guy who was about to go to med school and made promises to me which I saw being broken along the way. I’m all good now, but I just hope I knew someone who went through the same thing so somehow I had an idea. So for you, my advise is make use of these 3 months but do your best to not expect anything that’s so serious from him. Enjoy the moment and once his class starts, change your mindset a little bit. Balance everything as much as you can. Keep it simple for the two of you, if the guy can keep his promises, expresses his genuine love and mature enough to really handle the situation, you go ahead and continue. I had to travel too before just to see him, and I had to stay at his place for like just an hour or two and I would go. Don’t expect too much and take it easy. If you two won’t make it, you won’t be that shocked. Goodluck Demi ;)

          • Demi says:

            Raymond¡
            Thanks for your response… My relationship have been amazing we have been together for 4 months and just got back from traveling south east Asia together for 2 months! I’m a teacher so I have the summer off. Basically we have been together 24/7 all this time and it has been great but my insecurities started again. For some reason I didn’t check your response until now. Yes my bf is a first year medical student and I’m going to his white coat ceremony this weekend. I know you mentioned not to have expectations but after all the time together I can’t help myself. I’m almost 30 and he is 27 and already stressing out about all the things he will be learning. He told me IF he studies a lot everyday he was told he might have Half a day per week. So basically I will be driving 4 hours to see him very little. From the beginning I told him I was looking for something serious in the near future but time will tell if he will be bake to balance both
            Medicine and our relationship. We agreed on talking a few minutes before going to bed.
            I really want to support him but also don’t want to waste my time :(
            Any more advice is always welcome!
            Thanks again
            Demi

        • Raymond says:

          Hi Demi,

          Not a problem and I assume you guys had a great time when you guys went to South East Asia together. People say “it’s better than nothing” when we get something and it happened the way we don’t want it to be or things that we can’t do much really. It is his dream to be a doctor. Which is a great dream. Like what I said, I guess you are in this time now to lay-low a bit. I know it’s really hard not to fall esp if the person is so damn good/great/amazing. Plus you guys already spent some valuable time together. I think the idea that you guys went out for 2 months of travel tells me he’s serious about the two of you. Give it more time. See how things will work out and be mindful of your own happiness too. I hope you guys will make it. Happy for you guys.

  11. Tomek says:

    Question:

    Is a resident doctor bad dating material?

    I find myself notoriously ditched for random “adventures”… Or victim of the eternal “sorry, I’m busy studying” line.

    No, I don’t need to be reminded what “busy” means… We all wrestle against the same time management monster…

    Any ideas for how to make the idea of dating a resident more palatable?

  12. Michelle says:

    I wish your bonus tip was on posters in the med wings.

    I wish there was a business called ‘little bird services’ that would go to the men of frustrated women and let them hear tips that don’t really put the real messenger at risk! Men rarely look up advice and it would be so nice to have some things delivered to their ears and minds. Kind of like hiring someone else to teach your children how to drive. So much smoother.

  13. Michelle says:

    So…. I can’t tell what the benefits are? Man. I really like this guy and when we do hang out we seem to get along so well and I see so much potential. But he seems to already have christmas and summer 2014 planned out already and we are just getting to know each other so I can’t expect to really be in these plans but I don’t know how I will ever feel included and not like a booty call when he finally has a moment on Friday or Saturday night and calls me up. The last thing I want to ask someone is to include me.
    He seems to have all these mentor or med night dinners and doesn’t invite me along and I’m left so lost for words because I don’t want to accuse him of not inviting me if it really isn’t something he can invite me to, but if it is I would like to know of this is a signal that I’m not the one for him? Arg. I’m scared to ask to be invited because it seems so strange to me and I don’t want to create an awkward situation, plus I want to let him have his own free time. Gawd.
    I’m so glad you posted this because I was starting to worry that I was being avoided. I want to figure out how to word how to tell him to keep in touch and tell me and include me in ways that he can without pressuring him or making it seem like I have low standards.

    Do you have any suggestions?

    • Marie says:

      Michelle,

      Thank you for sharing this because I was starting to feel the EXACT same way, like a glorified booty call because we rarely speak to each other let alone see each other. I was going to be DONE on Christmas if he didn’t call me but he called so here we are. He is a really good guy and this is the second time around for us so I don’t want to blow it. So, I just sit around lonely lol. The good thing is that I’m already a single mom so i don’t have to worry about him making me feel like one. ;-)

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  15. Female Premed says:

    I wonder why there aren’t any men commenting about their relationships with female medical students. Many blogs that showed up in my search results for ‘dating med student’ were the same in this respect. I guess it’s possibly because men don’t visit or comment on blogs as often… but then again I know plenty that do.

    It’s been tough, even as an undergraduate student on the pre-med track. Balancing work, school. and a social life is not impossible, but can be incredibly difficult at times. I feel guilty when I have to postpone things my boyfriend and I had planned to do together. We are in a LDR, so our relationship is full of rain checks. In addition, he is much older and I feel bad for making him ‘wait’ for me. I love him very much and hope he loves me just as much, or at least enough for us to continue on together. On the other hand, I worry that his ‘needs’ will not be fulfilled because of the demands of my future lifestyle. Sometimes, I wish he didn’t choose to be with me so that he could experience all the world’s beauty without having to wait so long…

    I hope it’ll all work out. I know it has for many since there are many physicians who’ve managed to balance work and family life… Staying hopeful.

    • Josh says:

      I am a man with my Fiancée’ who is in her first year at med school and in a LDR. Everything was going great until the last couple months when she started getting really stressed in turn started rethinking our relationship. It is extremely tough to be in a position such as this, but I am willing to stick it out for better days. I am hoping that when she gets back for the summer we can rekindle what has obviously been lacking in effort recently.

  16. Catherine says:

    Dating a med student is probably the most challenging thing I’ve ever been through, and I’ve even been in a relationship that involved being with someone on an entirely different continent. We’ve been through a lot together, through so many rough patches. I’ve been constantly supportive of him, and very understanding of his schedules. (He also does EMT in addition. UGH!) But honestly sometimes, all this bending we do -supporting the med student and understanding what they are going through is not enough.

    We have to also understand that they began this journey, in many cases, before we came along. They’re extremely ambitious people, which is both good and bad. It’s good because it’s great to know someone is goal oriented, and just so focused and really love/enjoy what they do. However, at the same time, you have to understand that they can many times makes many changes to their career paths.

    I think it is important to understand right from the beginning what your goal is for the relationship. If you plan on making it something long term, make sure that both of you are on the same page. Communication, as you said, is important in any relationship, but it’s even more so in one that includes a med student. If you’re interested in a serious relationship, make sure you’re well aware of when they make plans whether you’re included in those plans or not. Don’t settle for “I don’t know”, “we’ll see”, “maybe”, and “I don’t know where I’ll be”. That should set off a red flag.

  17. Brette S. says:

    This helped so much! My SO just started his first week of medical school this week. During his final semester at undergrad at college (prepping for medical school), he was already starting to have a hard time texting. Now, I can see how he will be unavailable a lot with lectures etc. I am someone who is used to more communication so its hard but I know he is trying and I am going to too. I start my MBA soon so it’ll be an interesting combo (Business and Medicine), but this post gave me hope. I was starting to feel a lil sad about it, considering that two acquaintances who started med school broke up with their nonmedical SOs in less than one week of medical school. I have wondered if we should cut it off or not but so far we want to try (I think we can push thru but like you said, its not like any other kind of relationship but as the meme would say “Challenge Accepted”)

    Def. maybe if you can email me about some hints or other things, that would help!
    Thanks!
    ~B

  18. Addy says:

    Amber, thank you so much for this post. I really admire your strength and resilience in your relationship with your husband, especially with eliminating those expectations.

    My boyfriend and I are going into our last year of undergraduate studies. He’s studying for the MCAT this summer and is planning to go to med school 2 years after graduation. It’s already been rough, but I have a question about your “plan b.” My dad mentioned something similar to me, too – go doing my own thing until he’s done with med school or even residency. I told my dad that I don’t think we would be able to reconnect after that long without communication. Could you explain a bit more about the suggestion you made? Thank you in advance!

  19. Rhey says:

    Hi guys,

    I need some quick help here. I’m torn between the idea of “I can do this for us” and “No this isn’t want I need for myself” kind of situation. My partner just started his classes and with the less communication we have, the more I think of not pursuing it. I love my partner and we only just got together for 3 months now. I know it’s too young but I genuinely feel for my partner. I want to support my partner all the way but neglecting my needs of having someone on my side for like almost all the time (according to what’s happening right now and moving forward), I don’t think I can pull this off. I don’t know if I just need some support or this is myself talking to me telling me I am not gonna make it. But I do love my partner. I just don’t know. Need help.

    • Giselle M. says:

      I am feeling exactly the same way!
      My bf is in his 3rd year. We officially had a title about two months ago.
      I feel that at the beginning of a relationship it should be lovey dovey, with him though, wow, it’s constant arguing.
      I’m not sure that if it’s because we don’t see each other often or because he’s always busy that it’s putting a strain in our communication.
      I feel like calling it quits but in the back of my head I would feel like such a failure. Like I’m giving up on him for being focused, dedicated, and ambitious towards his goals.
      For instance, we fought today. Because I said that he felt distant.
      I’m not sure if it’s the pressure but he just exploded. He said I should articulate better than just saying that I feel that there is a distance.
      That it’s not something mature people blurt out without giving examples and so on.
      I’m wondering if anyone else feels as if their partner is being controlling?
      Should I just let him win arguments that should have never started?
      And should I just keep random thoughts to myself?
      I would feel like a doll and l lean towards a break up if it’s only me in this situation.

  20. Miss L says:

    “So stop comparing yours [relationship] with your friends’ or anyone else for that matter.”

    Oh my god, where were you two years ago with this wonderful slice of advice? I slowly figured that out by his (current) second year of medical school, but it was a journey getting to that point. Adding you, love this blog!
    Miss L recently posted..Medical Mondays: Baby CrazyMy Profile

    • Amber says:

      I had to learn it the hard way too! Oh well. Hopefully we can help those brave souls following in our footsteps :) So glad you stopped by!

  21. Great advice! Thank heavens we aren’t dating anymore and didn’t really know what was going to happen. I would have seriously had to reconsider his proposal. Glad I decided what I did – it has been a once in a lifetime adventure:-) Thanks for linking up again with us this month at Medical Monday’s. This is one of my favorite days of the month!
    From A Doctor’s Wife recently posted..Medical MondaysMy Profile

  22. Meredith says:

    Very true! Most people romanticize “Dating a doctor” and really have no grasp of what the life really entails.
    Can’t believe you had a baby the first week! Just goes to show that marriage can survive anything ;)

    • Amber says:

      Our marriage has survived a whole lot, as do most medical marriages. Never realized how much work marriage requires :)

  23. Erin Allen says:

    So True! My hubby and I have been together since college and I have been through it all med school, residency, and now fellowship! I have said the exact same things to friends who started dating a med student/resident. I use to joke with my grad school friends that when they met a guy in a bar and they said they were a doctor their first follow up questions should be “are you an attending?”I have a great life but its not for everyone. Love you honesty and humor. It makes me smile when I’m having a low doctor’s wife day :)

    • Amber says:

      Ha! That is great advice! Though my husband still argues it’s better to be married during all the training. Who knows? I haven’t done it any other way.

  24. Kristin says:

    Found you on the blog hop. LOVE THIS – and could this be more true? Sigh…. such is life.

    • Amber says:

      So glad you stopped by Kristin. And yes, this is life…the good, the bad, and there has most definitely have been a whole lot of ugly! ha ha!

  25. I receive emails all the time from (usually) women who are dating med students. They are usually at their wits end with their MedBF’s schedule. I try to tell them as nicely as possible their live will always be like that. I, too, go through life with no expectations. If Doc H is able to attend any event with us, it’s gravy to me!
    Thanks for linking up with us on Medical Monday!
    Emma @ Your Doctor’s Wife recently posted..Medical Monday Blog Hop {November Edition}My Profile

    • Amber says:

      “No expectations” is the secret! An attending’s wife told me that when my husband was applying for med school. I am so thankful I had that little tip tucked away. Doesn’t mean I still haven’t been disappointed, but at least I was prepared.

  26. Yikes on the newborn for first week of med school!!!

    Thanks for all the advice. I realized as a young adult that there’s never a good time to start dating. If you’re unemployed and sitting at home twiddling your thumbs, people will tell you that you’re not mature enough & definitely are not able to commit to a long-term relationship because first you need to get your life together. But, if you’ve “gotten your life together”, that might mean that you’re in graduate school or working a 60 hour week or traveling all over the country/world. How are you supposed to fit someone else into that lifestyle?

    Given that people told me to tell all my friends goodbye & forget about all my hobbies because this is third year of graduate school and you won’t have time for any of that, I can’t imagine what the equivalent is for med students!!! So glad to know that it’s possible to survive and make it to the other side.

    Abigail
    Abigail Cashelle recently posted..Visible. Invisible.My Profile

    • Amber says:

      You are right! There is never a good time to date, marry, start a family. But you can’t put life on hold. Our baby was a “surprise” and I am thankful for that because it would have been a scary decision to have to make when to start our family. Plus, we never knew life any other way :)

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