I just deleted a long post I wrote about an epic fail of mine this week. It was a sob story about how I royally messed up and the guilt, regret, and pain I have been carrying with me since Wednesday.
I’ve mentioned multiple times on this blog that I want to be real and authentic. I want to share all of me, not just the edited, happy parts of my life. But after reading what I had written, it just seemed so… I don’t know… bleh. It was sad and depressing, even was crying as I wrote. It was too much.
Trying to find the balance of authenticity without being a Debbie Downer is a bit tricky. Maybe because it is here, on this little space of internet, where I feel most comfortable pouring out my soul (that is, before I hit the publish button… then I just want to throw up… I guess my soul holds a lot of angst).
But when I look back on that really, crappy, awful morning, my day actually took a turn for the better when I showed up at my friend’s door.
Through the heartache, guilt, regret and a million other emotions, I was able to see past my pain and savor anyway. I realized I was with someone who loved me just the way I am… tear-stained face, snotty nose and all.
It is a friendship of 17 years. Sally and I met in college our freshman year, dreaming about marrying our boyfriends and all of us moving to Montana (I don’t remember why we wanted to live there).
After we graduated I married my boyfriend and moved to Texas. Eight months later she married her boyfriend and moved to Nashville. Their plan was to stay for 3 to 5 years… but that was 11 years ago!
And I am so thankful they stayed because three years ago we moved to Nashville too. It may not be Montana, but I still was in shock I would be living in a house just 5 minutes away from her!
My time in here has not been easy. I am so thankful she has been there to walk alongside me through this journey. And sadly, it’s looking like this will be our last year in Tennessee, so I am savoring every minute I get to spend with her…. creating new memories to carry me through the next 17+ years.