You Matter Too

I was going to write a big long post about something medical related. But sadly, I did not have time and am now trying to type this out as fast as I can so I can hang with my husband who is going to be leaving this afternoon to head back to his home away from home. And just realized that I won’t see him for 3 weeks thanks to weekend calls and conferences!

Anyway, in the last week, I have received a few emails from some new med student spouses and resident spouses. They somehow stumbled upon The Unconventional Doctor’s Wife blog here. Yay! and Welcome!

These emails were all so sweet but they also all expressed some sort of sadness. Either they had just moved to a new city and didn’t know anyone yet, were lonely because their husband was working so much, or just felt as if no one really understood their circumstances.

My heart broke for each of them! I cried each time I read one. (I’m totally serious here. I either blame my period or the fact that I have been off my happy pills too long…or both)

I know exactly what all of that feels like. I have been there! And for anyone reading this who might be in that situation, please know that you are not alone. Yes, physically you may not have anyone near who understands, but there are so many of us who have been where you are!

I want to reach through the computer screen and hug each of you who are just beginning on this journey, med school or residency. Well, really, just hug anyone on this journey!

There are always good months and bad months throughout all the years of  training. And it doesn’t matter how “seasoned” you are…when those bad rotations come around, they still are freakin’ hard.

I know the sacrifices you have made so your husband can pursue and following this path. And I understand that even though you know he is doing what he is called to do, it still doesn’t make it any easier on you.

Family and friends will always ask you about how he is doing. Strangers will be impressed when you answer their question about what your husband does.

Sometimes it doesn’t feel fair. And it’s not.

Sometimes it doesn’t seem like what you do matters.

Most of the time it feels like it’s all about him. 

But you need to know something. This something is very important. And you must never forget it.

What you have done, what you do, who you are… MATTERS.

Yes, you matter.

The sacrifices you have made…matter.

The loneliness you feel…matters.

You, beautiful girl…matter.

So please don’t ever feel second rate to this doctor man you married. What you do and who you are, are just as important as what he is doing.

And if ever you are feeling really lonely or just want to vent or want to hear someone tell you that you are strong and will make it through this next month, please please please connect with me! Send me an email, holler at me on Twitter (@AmberZaccagni) or connect on Facebook at The Unconventional Doctor’s Wife!

I promise you I will respond! I don’t want anyone to feel like they are alone on this crazy medical journey!

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8 Responses to You Matter Too

  1. Tori says:

    So glad I found this post as I totally needed it today. I have felt so lonely and isolated and crazy! It makes me feel less crazy to know I’m not the only one who feels this way (actually I just thought I was being a wimp). Thank you for the reminder that I matter too, because I have been forgetting that lately and have just been having a really hard time with no one to talk to because family doesn’t truly understand the burden and don’t have many friends. But this post has really encouraged me so thank you for sharing it!!

  2. Jennifer says:

    I came across your blog when I googled “doctor’s wife single mom” after a particularly frustrating Sunday.
    First, a bit of background about my life as a doctor’s wife. I have been married to my husband for 13 years. We married when he was a 1st year medical student, so I have been with him through all of his medical career – from med student to intern to resident and then attending. We have 3 children – one is college aged and the other two are 9 and 1. My husband is currently a hospitalist at a university medical center and has held the same position for 6 years. The money is waaay better than it was in the beginning but his work schedule hasn’t really improved.
    Anyway, here is the situation that compelled me to seek solace only google and others in the same boat can deliver: He is working nights this week, so, while he was sleeping this morning I fixed a crockpot chicken curry so we could have a good dinner as a family before he went to work this evening. Then I took both my kids to the zoo by myself, again, thinking that at least we would all sit down for dinner as a family tonight. Unfortunately, problems came up at work which required my husband to go in early…..again. So I came home from the zoo to no husband, a house smelling of chicken curry and the realization that, since neither of my kids are especially fond of curry I will probably end up making something else for them to eat.

  3. Amber says:

    first of all, I am super excited that I get to see you soon,
    second the fact that your baby girl is 10 almost made me spit my coffee out, and third this is a beautiful post and I believe it applies to SOOOOO many wives out there. I am military and you could have been speaking to me for sure. Thank you for sharing of yourself.
    Amber recently posted..Influence ConferenceMy Profile

    • Amber says:

      I am so excited to see you too!!!! how fun is that?! And thanks for your kind words. many people ask me if I’m military because we seem to always live near military cities and move frequently. These last few months with my husband working in Alabama, I have a new appreciation for single moms and military wives. I hope many can find encouragement from this!

  4. candice says:

    You are awesome. I love your heart, you courage and your sense of humor. Super thankful that God put you in my life.
    candice recently posted..“Wanna Go Around”My Profile

  5. Jill Vosburg says:

    Good one, Amber. We can all use that reminder and encouragement sometimes! And you have made more sacrifices than most of us. Especially at this time!
    love ya!

    • Amber says:

      Ah, thanks Jill. I know this was written for med peeps in mind, but you’re right…this is for EVERYONE! So glad you were part of my journey :) You were always (and still are) a great encourager and friend. love you too!

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