The best kept secret to a successful marriage

The key to a successful and loving marriage {mawage…that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam…} is actually quite simple.

Wanna know what it is? It might surprise you…are you ready?

It’s this:   Live apart.

Yep. That’s it.

Do not live together.

{And for all y’all that aren’t even married and living together…just do yourself a favor and stop it right now.}

So, how do I know this is the key? From experience of course!

I’ve been married to my guy for 11-1/2 years. All those years, we have lived in the same house, shared the same bed, had some kids and stuff.

But for the last six weeks, he’s been off living in a foreign land in Alabama, for working purposes. We see him on the weekends. And so far, it’s been great!

I was thinking about it the other day and came up with a few reasons why this is working so well for us, and why I think our marriage has been at it’s best.

1) He is so excited to see us that he can look past the state of disaster the house is in.

2) We have limited time to argue (so we try not to).

3) When the kids ask when daddy is coming home, I no longer have to answer “I don’t know” because now I actually do know… “Friday night!”

4) When he is home, he is HOME. Present. Engaged. Not distracted with work.

5) He’s not falling asleep on us in the middle of Candyland or our family dance parties.

6) He is genuinely happy to hang with the kids and let me venture out for some much needed alone time (and I don’t feel guilty about it).

7) He is guaranteed…um how do I say this… “marriage relations” at least four times a month (usually).

8) The dog can sleep soundly without interruptions from his pager. Therefore, I can sleep soundly. (Thunderstorms are still a problem.)

9) After putting the kids to bed, I can watch trash TV without hearing about it from my bed mate.

10)  He is not torn between work and family and doesn’t feel guilty when he stays late for a “really cool” case…you know like intubating, watching a transplant, or saving a baby’s life.

Bonus: The kids think cereal and pancakes for dinner (every night) is awesome. So do I.

So there. Live apart and your marriage will work like magic!!


Now, don’t go and get your panties all up in a wad and freak out in the comments. I love my husband dearly. And I have more to say about this, but since I’m the only one here these days, I need to tend to my children right now.

Part Two to a successful marriage will be posted tomorrow!


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9 Responses to The best kept secret to a successful marriage

  1. Katie says:

    I can totally relate to this! My husband is a MS4 and he is often gone for a month, every other month. As much as I love being with him, I also love my *own* routine…. reading before going to bed, not worrying about the laundry being put away..etc… I know it’s harder for him to be away from my daughter and me, though.
    {i’m a first-timer to your blog :) }
    Katie recently posted.."Learn New Words" … Lesson Learned!My Profile

    • Amber says:

      Welcome Katie!!! So glad you stopped by! Our “own” time is important and much needed, but honestly I’m realizing I’m not supposed to be alone…I miss him!

  2. kris says:

    LOL. So true! We have experienced this too. Sometimes a break from the daily togetherness helps us realize what we have! As they say, “absence makes the heart grow fonder”!
    kris recently posted..Ahh, Vacation!My Profile

  3. Ladies, I couldn’t agree more! There is something more exciting about being together when you’ve had some distance between you. The mundane goes out the window. I find I talk more with my husband when I am away traveling than when we see each other every day. And I’ve been married for 38 years and have no desire to trade him in for a newer model! We still have the ol’ spark! I just happen to love my independence, also!
    kadee metzger recently posted..Allegan Flea MarketMy Profile

  4. Kimbarly Medlin says:

    How approp. For my FB post tonight you saw! Totally agree. My husband is gone Mon they Fri….every single week…And the weekends are treasured family party time! We have our routine and he has his. I have to admit he was gone for 6 months once and that was painful. What actually is difficult is when his routine breaks and we all have to adjust midstream. But we do, of course.

  5. Miriam says:

    Amber – I can totally relate. Although I love my husband dearly, I will admit to a select few how much I love it when he’s gone (for a conference or whatever) … Thank you for such an honest post!

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